As April 1st approaches, it seems an appropriate time to look at the Top 10 reasons why it’s foolish to own gold and silver.
1) Despite persistently dire and gloomy headlines, all of the world’s economic problems and financial woes, including excess currency creation, price inflation and record indebtedness, have been solved—forever.
2) Acknowledging that charging exorbitant interest on loans is immoral, creditors and lenders around the globe plan to declare a debt jubilee, forgiving all government, corporate, household and individual debts, totaling $348 trillion. Budgetary bliss and economic utopia will ensue, while financial exploitation and predatory lending will cease.
3) With their debts erased, financially reformed governments worldwide will halt deficit spending, incessant borrowing and announce a decades-long income tax holiday, lifting the onerous burden on their citizens, who will stop dreading the financial future and wallow in their newfound wealth.
4) Since they’re so deadly, destructive, expensive to wage and contribute greatly to budget deficits, world leaders will ban all wars and armed conflicts, as well as economic sanctions and trade restrictions. Free enterprise will rule and the peace dividend will reign. Philanthropy and prudence will prevail over profligacy and war profiteering.
5) With debts forgiven, wars banned and currency debasement curtailed, monetary inflation will be reduced to the point that the Federal Reserve and other central banks will embrace their irrelevancy. No longer needed to hike interest rates to deflate asset bubbles or combat rising prices, the parasitic institutions ultimately will be dismantled and mothballed.
6) With inflation slayed and across-the-board balanced budgets, fiat currencies will appreciate in value, prompting governments and central banks to unlock their vaults, relinquish their 37,000 tons of gold reserves, and donate the worthless bullion to architectural artists and historical museums, thereby abandoning thousands of years of monetary history.
7) Without depreciating currencies and monetary inflation, owning precious metals as financial assets, economic insurance or personal savings will become pointless and passé. Gold and silver will become relics of the past as antiquated as dinosaur bones, film cameras and telephone booths. Gold and silver coins will be repurposed as gaming tokens and poker chips. Bullion bars will be used as construction material, doorstops and paperweights.
8) As part of the growing trend away from shiny rocks, women in India start collecting Barbie dolls and Beanie Babies for their enduring value rather than gold bangles, earrings and necklaces.
9) With precious metals falling out of fashion, the anti-gold and -silver craze catches on globally among the jewelry-wearing general public. Environmentally-conscious newlyweds in the United States, for example, begin exchanging wooden wedding bands and nose rings made from recycled plastic as symbols of their eternal love.
10) And finally, in addition to declining consumer demand for precious metals, space aliens have taught Chinese scientists how to transform abundant iron pyrite (known as fool’s gold) into gold, convert tin foil hats into silver, and turn scrap aluminum into palladium and platinum, purely for industrial applications of course.
If you’re naïve enough to believe any of the forementioned nonsense on April Fools’ Day, or any other day for that matter, you’re probably foolish enough not to own gold and silver.
© 2026 Stuart Englert. All rights reserved.
Englert is the author of “Rigged: Exposing the Largest Financial Fraud in History” and “Patient Millionaire: A Financial Memoir.”
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